Rhys Wilcox (rhys_wilcox) wrote in davebeta,
Rhys Wilcox

Value Voodoo

What? No BOGOF joke?

Loved it. as per usual. I didn't think he was too casual at all. It probably works as a nice diversion for you too, keep thrashing little adventures like this out to keep your pen nib moist. Wish I could do it.

Don't have much to add in terms of the narrative as nothing seemed to jar.

But a few suggestions;

1. The retainer; really he should only have been paid a portion to take the job, the rest would come upon completion. That would also give him added incentive to see the job through.

2. A final footnote. Who was dipping in the tills? Did I miss something. Just a mention, even if Dave doesn't find out, to tie it up.

Good work that fella.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.